had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
