And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
