So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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