it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
