Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
