I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Hello my rib-scented angel!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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