maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
