you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
