Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
