Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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