i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I want a musical about memes.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
