his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
