Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
