Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
