3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
