Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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