drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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