I hate all girls vehemently.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
