dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
