I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
is wine microwaveable?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
