I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Randomize
