I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You took a bar mat shot.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
