My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just googled if crying burns calories
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
