Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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