at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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