how can u be prego again
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
