Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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