he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
