i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
