i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
