He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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