dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
