his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
