you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
