frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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