I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm both gender and math confused
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
