we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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