where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
