I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
