When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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