theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
