so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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