the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i think i have two assholes
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
