i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
