So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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