I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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