One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
