i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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