I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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