You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I would fuck him just for his dog
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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